Another mother’s day has come and gone and yet again I couldn’t be there to take you out to dinner, hand you some flowers or even just give you a hug. That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you on your day; I think about you every day. I’m always thinking how lucky I am to have you as a mother. You’ve given me respect, support and even tough love when I’ve needed it. I’m sorry it took so long for the subject of John and I to come up to the four of us. I guess I always knew that I would have had nothing to worry about, given your’s and dad’s liberal views. Unfortunately I put it upon myself to live up to society’s standards to the point where I didn’t even know what my own standards were. That in turn became me not wanting to disappoint you and dad, i.e. not submitting to the stereotypical “wife, two and a half kids, 1 dog” scenario. I’m sorry I didn’t let you all in, because looking back I’m sure my life would have been a lot easier. In essence you all didn’t truly know me as much as you had a right to, and because I didn’t let it happen, I never got to know myself until it was almost too late. This has led me to the proclivity (hey look, a word I’ve never used in writing) of withdrawing from people, and almost never giving anyone new a chance. I have kept this from you and dad since the beginning, but since before Christmas I had been going to weekly counselling in Huntsville to try and work out issues I have, and have had. Unfortunately, at $140/hour I decided to stop it after about 10 sessions when the lawsuit finally resolved itself. I kind of regret not going anymore, but I at least have a foundation of where to go from here.
This year I wanted to give you something more substantial than just the standard flowers or phone call. The best thing I could think of was to write you something that I thought had much more meaning. I wanted you to know that I’ve appreciated all of the sacrifices you’ve made over the years; from all of the moving around we did, to you helping me with homework after you’ve had a long day at work, to playing catch with me when dad was in Japan, …playing pac-man with me on the computer when we couldn’t play catch, doing my laundry, making us healthy meals that actually tasted good, taking me to baseball practice (and trying to make me feel better even after a bad game), for all your encouragement, for your example of hard work, for being open-minded and for accepting that I have John in my life. And for a million other things.
…And for being the best mother a guy could have. I love you both more than you could ever know.